Saturday, December 27, 2008

#11 How to recognize abusive people

"Abuse comes in many forms: verbal, physical, mental, sexual, and of course emotional, which underlies all other types of abuse.
Those who abuse have not come to terms with their own past emotional issues. Whether it's insecurities they haven't dealt with or the need to maintain complete control of their world, they will rob you of your freedoms in order to feel better about themselves. They will attempt to achieve power by lowering your self-worth because they're threatened by you, or because they don't understand or respect you. Abusers are weak and have personal limitations they have yet not learned to overcome. The less they feel in control the more abusive they get, as they fall into their own limited emotional states which are usually outside their conscious awareness.
This is important to know because, while you are the one who is made to feel inadequate, the abuse you receive seldom has anything to do with you. Unfortunately, we often carry the scars long after the abuse ended.
Ways people abuse you:
Tell lies and half-truths to avoid having to justify actions or ideas
Accuse and blame to divert attention away from them selves
Refuse to take another's point of view and irrationally defend their point of view
Withhold information so the abused will look bad later on ("you should have known that")
Not sharing information someone is entitled to
Not acknowledging another's feelings
Slighting or taking digs in a non-aggressive or joking manner - this allows the abuser to say he was just kidding while still being abusive
Changing the subject to divert attention from them selves
Making someone feel worthless in an attempt to lower their self-esteem and bring them down to the level of the abuser
Threatening or hinting of physical, mental or sexual abuse
Denying anything is wrong (not being responsible and lying to self)
Inappropriate emotional outbursts (a form of distracting attention, confusing the abused or shifting blame)
Controlling others to domineer and limit their freedom or expression
Forgetting commitments and promises
Denying success by placing unreasonable demands, unjustly singling out or constantly placing someone in the category of a loser
Taking advantage of ones weakness or using shame, guilt or fear against another
Manipulating another person against their will
Submissive actions
Cutting some one off so they are not allowed to speak - suppressing self-expression
Eliminating your ability to choose
Inappropriate questions or comments to evoke an emotional response
Humiliating someone in front of others or inappropriately pushing their buttons
Pretending to understand your concerns, and then disregarding them
Slandering some ones name, reputation, associations or activities

taken from http://www.designedthinking.com/Fear/Abuse/abuse.html

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