#3 An ABC of Resources for Healing

(Follow the coloured links for more information. This list is a work in progress, and will be fleshed out as I add more links and comments, so keep coming back!)

A

Affirmations: We make them all the time every day anyway, for better or for worse. Consistent thoughts become a person's reality. I have had to weed out the destructive ones and consciously select the things I want to believe and reinforce in my life. Affirming what I want and how I want to be increases my energy and improves my outlook.

"Powerful Affirmations"


ANP's and EP's: These are the 'Apparently Normal Personalities' and 'Emotional Personalities' embodied in a single individual. The more integrated they all are, the more efficient and energetic one's mental capacity is. Learning where the discrepancies are (or the internal conflicts) is key to healing.

Approval: Whose do I really need? I have spent a lot of time and energy striving for love and approval from people who will never be able to provide it. As I have learned to plug those holes I have been able to reserve more energy to live my life happily.

Aromatherapy: Essential Oils activate the limbic system and emotional centres of the brain, i.e. they really can make you feel better! When used in massage they activate thermal receptors, and even kill microbes and fungi. I love bergamot and the citrus ones - mandarin or grapefruit -all are great antidepressants, and relieve stress and anxiety. Ah, bliss!

Art Therapy: Some of the artworks I have made when I have disengaged my logical brain and allowed the creative side to take over have given me the greatest insights into myself. It isn't important to draw well - it is important to let yourself play and explore. This is a way to honour and respect your inner child, no matter what your background!

Assertiveness: Learning it's okay for me to get what I want, in a fair way

B

The Brain: Many aspects of brain function are effected by trauma. It's not just psychological. There can be damage to the amygdala, the hippocampus -influencing its ability to regenerate neurons and oversupplying cortisol levels - as well as to the medial prefrontal cortex, which regulates emotion. (There's a vortex in my cortex!) This explains many of the symptoms of PTSD.

Boundaries: (As I get better at this, I actually feel more and more like a 'grown-up'!) :
. Building Healthy Boundaries - How to Create Healthy, Lasting, Fulfilling Relationships
. Growing Down: Tools for Healing the Inner Child - Building Healthy Boundaries
. Setting Healthy Boundaries - Allowing the True Self to Emerge

Breathing:
. Alternate nostril breathing* improves mental energy/clears mental fog and reduces anxiety





. Diaphragmatic breathing* to relieve panic attacks and anxiety
*These are my #1 tools when things are at their worst.
Try the mantra:
"Breathing in I calm myself... breathing out I smile..." or
"Be still... and know that I am God..."

C

Calming Exercises and Calming Down: These are simply skills that anyone can learn. As I continue to practise, it is getting easier to tune into my mind and body, and take care of myself before anxiety levels get out of hand

Care Alerts: Checking in with myself at regular intervals to make sure that I am grounded, 'present', and not caught in reactionary thoughts and behaviour. Some days I have needed to do this as often as every 15 minutes - a watch with a timer is helpful for this

Chakra Balancing: 'Chakras are like the power stations of our body, bringing it to life and keeping it healthy'





Childhood Development: Understanding the basics of childhood psychosocial development gives me a clearer understanding of myself and why and how I got stuck in different patterns at different ages. (Counselling Kinesiology has been of greatest benefit to me in this regard - see K for Kinesiology)

Childhood Sexual Abuse (CSA):
. From Victim to Victor - Overcoming CSA
. Sexual Abuse Help
. Survivor to Thriver - an excellent free manual for Adult Survivors of Sexual Abuse

"Childhood Sexual Abuse always includes other forms of abuse - emotional abuse, physical abuse, neglect. Abuse is a violation that harms a child physically, emotionally, socially, spiritually and psychologically."





Choosing my 'End Goal Feelings' : I am learning how to use my imagination! I never understood that I could be instrumental in my own future - my head was stuck in a bog of powerlessness, helplessness and dread. Learning to imagine 'how I want to be' (not necessarily 'what I want to do') in the future has given me a fresh burst of energy that flows over into all areas of my life.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy: What a blessing it was for me to find an experienced therapist with a particular interest in PTSD - so good at what she does, so caring, insightful, and observant. For a long time hers were the only hands that steadied me as I learned to walk.
. Cognitive Distortions
. Are you in a Thinking Rut?
. Mindfulness-integrated Cognitive Behaviour Therapy





Comfort zone: I'm only growing when I'm out of it!

Core Beliefs: This is the digging part - unearthing what is silently and subconsciously dictating my thinking. It is raw, and humbling, but without doubt is also the most life-changing and wonderful part of healing

D

Dissociation: One of my greatest challenges - learning to stay clear-headed and 'present' through triggers and stress.

"Child abuse, especially chronic abuse starting at early ages, has been related to high levels of dissociative symptoms in a clinical sample, including amnesia for abuse memories. A non-clinical sample of adult women linked increased levels of dissociation to sexually abuse by a significantly older person prior to age 15, and dissociation has also been correlated a history of childhood physical as well as sexual abuse. When sexual abuse is examined, the levels of dissociation were found to increase along with the severity of the abuse. The level of dissociation has been found to be related to reported overwhelming sexual and physical abuse. When severe sexual abuse (penetration, several perpetrators, lasting more than one year) had occurred, dissociative symptoms were even more prominent. The amount of dissociation that follows directly after a trauma predicts posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Individuals that are more likely to dissociate during a traumatic event are considerably more likely to develop chronic PTSD. One study found that subjects who experienced early and/or recent trauma were more dissociative." (Wikipedia)

Dreams/Nightmares: Paying attention to the emotions in my dreams (more than the content) gives me insight into unresolved feelings. Some dreams have been profound, heavy with symbolism. It helps to write about the more significant dreams (I could never write about all of them) and look for repeated/recurring messages and underlying themes. I have dreamt a lot about shoes, and mismatched pairs of shoes - it seems that this has pointed more to the fear of being unprepared for what life may present me with than any kind of fashion statement (for those of you who know me well and are thinking about my extensive collection).

. Dream Programming

E

EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques):
. the EFT site provides a free manual and ongoing support
. If you like acupuncture, you'll like acupressure.
. If you like acupressure - you'll love EFT.
. It's something you can learn easily, and use on yourself whenever you feel the need.

F

Feelings are physical experiences - each one a lesson that teaches me something about myself.
I had to learn Emotional Awareness from the ground up - but it is integral to being self-aware

Forgiveness

"Forgiveness and the Freedom of Letting Go"




G

Gratitude: 'Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity.... It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.' Melodie Beattie

Do the Gratitude Dance!




Gratitude with Deepak Chopra:




Grounding Exercises

Group Therapy: Approach with caution. If my (inner) child is suffering, do I want to deposit her in a room full of other suffering children? Make sure therapy is always overseen by a balanced, rational, preferably professionally trained person. When one of the primary challenges of this illness is 'triggering', listening to other people's stories and dealing with additional stress is often the last thing I need, especially in the early stages of recovery. I have had to learn how to keep myself emotionally safe - in the early stages of recovery I was so constantly triggered that I had no ability to make any connection between what was going on around me and how I was feeling internally. It takes time to learn. And as I get better at regulating myself, I am more able to deal with with life generally.

H

Happiness is Internally Generated: I am learning to take responsibility for my own happiness
Click here for lots of great Authentic Happiness positive psychology ideas and questionnaires

I

Incest Survivor's After Effects Checklist

Inner Child Work

"Who is Your Inner Child?"




Inner Critic: My inner critic is not my friend - I am learning to recognize her voice, to challenge and silence her. There was a time when it seemed that she kept me safe - but ultimately she has only became an enemy and torturer.

J

The Johari Window Technique: A great tool that helps me better understand myself and how I relate to others. In trying so hard not to be like certain people that I had issues with, I had overcompensated - at my own expense - and gone too far the other way. Understanding the process enables me to be more free to make choices in my own best interests.

Journalling: Don't know where I'd be without it. Whether it be hand-written, or typed - messy or neat - a few minutes a day, or much longer. Spelling and sentence structure is completely irrelevant. Experiment - write, draw, scribble, make lists - purge.

K

Kinesiology:
. Applied Kinesiology - Touch for Health*
. Counselling Kinesiology*
in conjunction with Flower Essences/Remedies*(Bach Flowers, Australian Bush Flowers and Desert Alchemy Flower Essences)
*Without these I would be light years behind where I am now in my recovery

A History of Applied Kinesiology and Touch for Health


L

Laugh: Laughter is the Best Medicine

LFIE is MSESY!

M

Massage: There are excellent articles helpful for both therapist and survivor - be safe - make sure you are both aware of the implications of your work before you begin:
. Massage and Body-work with Survivors of Abuse
by Ben E. Benjamin
. Recovering Body and Soul from PTSD
by Pamela Fitch and Trish Dryden
. Releasing Muscle-Bound Memories
by David Drier

Meditation: Click here for free meditation music, guidance and exercise helps

Mental energy and efficiency: My greatest challenge – as I learn to create new mental pathways, the going gets easier. Perhaps one of the hardest things for me to accept - and one of the hardest things for other people to understand.

Mindfulness: "You are not your thoughts. Our thoughts take us away from being here now. If I am thinking about the past, or worried about the future, I am a prisoner of my thoughts." Click here for a brilliant free 30 page workbook "Mindfulness - An Inner Resource for Recovery from Child Abuse by Jim Hopper"

Mirror Work : "Using Mirror Work to Heal Your Life"




Music: An immediate source of solace for me
. Click here for a huge array of music related to abuse and healing

"Talking Post Trauma Blues"



N

Nurture myself: Be my own best friend, eat well, get enough sleep, medicate sensibly, pay attention to grooming

The Nervous System and PTSD : After trauma, the Autonomic Nervous System (ANS) continues to be chronically aroused even though the threat has passed, and the energy of the fight/flight response gets stuck in the body - this is a root cause of post traumatic stress.

O

It’s Okay to need help - It's Okay to ask for help

Optimists see and seize Opportunities: Do you see the glass half-full or half-empty?
Click here for a quick Optimism/Pessimism Test

P

Panic Attacks: How to help someone who is having a panic attack




Plan 3 Positive things to do tomorrow (very powerful tool that I use daily)

Progressive Muscle Relaxation : an easy 2 step process of tense and relax

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD):
. Free Booklet - Post Natal Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
. Gift from Within - PTSD Resources for Survivors and Caregivers
. How Does PTSD Affect Families?
. It's not just Psychological - PTSD and Brain Damage
. PTSD and the Autonomic Nervous System
. PTSD - Identification and Diagnosis
. PTSD - What is it and How to Recover

"Individuals need to know that PTSD is caused by extraordinary stress and not weakness"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wzUfKTEPnpA

Q

Ask Questions: Better to live with having asked a dumb question than to live with my own dumb answer

R

Read, read, read

Reappraise Relationships: I have had a lot of work to do here, and it is ongoing, but also one of the most satisfying aspects of recovery and working out who I really am and what I really want.

Remember I survived: I am strong in many ways.

Reparenting: Learning to give myself the nurturing, affection, and recognition I need to heal my inner child"

Responsibility: I am responsible for managing my thoughts, my feelings and my actions.

S

SAFETY: I'm learning what it means to feel SAFE in my body (a concept that is difficult for non-traumatized people to understand) and
. How this connects to managing emotional eating

Self-comfort : An essential skill, without which I continued to inwardly agonize and crave for the comfort and assurance I so needed as a child

Self-Esteem: I used to believe that if anybody 'really got to know me' then they would find out how truly bad I was, and then they would undoubtedly hate me and reject me. Anna stumped me one day when she said "What could you have possibly done that was so bad that you would believe that?" I sat with my mouth hanging open. I had no answer.

"Child Abuse Increases Likelihood of Low Self Esteem. People who were abused as children (physical beating or sexual abuse) are more likely to suffer unrealistic low self esteem as adults. This is because of constant repetition of a 'message' that they are of little value or just an object to be used. In a way they have been 'brain washed' by constant criticism or abuse that they are a certain way.When a person begins to question this former conditioning or brainwashing then a healthier and more accurate sense of self can begin to emerge. However the person may have to be de-traumatised so the emotional brain responds differently in future (rather than solely learning to think differently about stuff). The way we think and our assumptions need to be observed, understood and if necessary challenged."



Sentic Exercises : Learn to feel again and remove the armouring that trauma causes

Sexuality:
. Sexual Intimacy after Abuse
. Regaining your Sexuality after Rape
. Positive Sex Play for Survivors

Shame: "Guilt is believing that one has done something bad; shame is believing that one is bad. Shame is believing that one is not loved because one is not lovable. Shame always carries with it the sense that there is nothing one can do to purge its burdensome and toxic presence. Shame cannot be remedied, it must be somehow endured, absorbed, gilded, minimized or denied. Shame is so painful, so debilitating that persons develop a thousand coping strategies, conscious and unconscious, numbing and destructive, to avoid its tortures. Shame is the worst possible thing that can happen, because shame, in its profoundest meaning, conveys that one is not fit to live in one's own community."

The Snakes and Ladders model of Recovery

Somatic Experiencing: a cutting-edge naturalistic approach to healing trauma (though it is such a gentle process that 'cutting-edge' seems a very inappropriate description!)

The Sun Room: Some things I can't fix, or I'm not ready to fix, or they are just too big and overwhelming for me to carry around every day. When I feel that I have done everything in my own power to deal with them, I mentally file them in my 'Sun Room' - the sun is a healer, it sheds light and warmth, it purifies - it even makes things fade over time. But it is also my 'Son Room' - which works the same way in a spiritual sense. When burdens are too heavy, I lay them at the Saviour's feet. I have faith that He can see things more clearly than I can, that He can help me to heal, and that in time, He will deal justly and lovingly with every one of us.








T

Thought-Stopping: Halts downward spirals, endless loops and unhelpful thinking - another great 'take-charge' tool

Triggers/False Alarms: In the beginning I didn't even know they existed, then I came to understand that I was reacting to them all the time! It is incredibly empowering to learn to recognize a trigger (I have dozens) - and then choose to act in a pro-active way instead of the old mindless reactionary reflex. I'm getting my life back! This article was originally designed for sufferers of OCD but works just as well for PTSD - a very simple, powerful technique.

"Triggers and PTSD"



U

Understand that growth is a lifelong process - I am learning to pace myself better and enjoy my life rather than collapse under the weight of trying to 'fix everything' at once. Some lessons need to be learned several times from many different perspectives before they really 'stick'.

V

Visualize how I want to be: Creative Visualization

W

Water: Keep body and brain hydrated by drinking plenty of pure water -it provides electrical energy that works to balance all my systems


EXercise: Walk, Swim, Pound a Pillow to discharge excess energy - or exercise to increase energy when sluggish. Moving maintains the connection between mind and body

Y

Yes, it sucks. Life isn't fair. But it isn't fair for everybody. That's what makes it fair.

Yoga: I WILL get there one day! In the meantime, there are countless yoga videos on YouTube that are actually quite amazing, and even a few minutes dedicated to breathing and stretching helps me to feel more at home in my body and more in control of my life

Great for neck and shoulder tension - one of my favourites:




A Calming, Relaxing Yoga Routine - nourishing the nervous system:




For Sleep, Insomnia, or Deep Relaxation:




Zzzz